For as long as I can remember I’ve always had dreams. It’s more often than not that I remember my dreams. I process a lot of my day, my stress, and my worries in my sleep. I think all of us do this but not all of us retain the information in said dreams. Some people don’t care to hear about others’ dreams, I’ve always liked hearing people’s dreams because I think I’m pretty good at breaking down the psychology behind them. My mom has always had prophetic dreams, she’s the reason I’ve owned a dream dictionary since I was a kid. She commonly has dreams about feces which always mean she’s getting money. She’s predicted pregnancies and accidents. She also dreams about different animals, it’s from her that I learned that snakes in dreams are a sign of gossip swirling around you.Continue reading “The State of Dreaming: Dream Recall”
The topic of boundaries has been swirling around me for the last few weeks. Overall, setting and observing boundaries are a general part of the human condition, the trick is making the effort to be conscious of the process and to find the courage to honor both our own boundaries and those of others.
We can all recall a time in our life where we felt disrespected or taken advantage of, in these situations its easy to blame the person doing the disrespecting and leaving it at that. It is important to recognize that interactions and relationships involve at least two people, so when something goes awry it is often not as simple as blaming one and standing innocent on the receiving end. Maybe you let a friend borrow your favorite sweater, with emphasis on borrow and fully expecting this person to give it back. Weeks, maybe months passed and your sweater has disappeared into the ether. You gently remind your friend, maybe throw some hints on how you want that special sweater back, but nothing. This person has disrespected your agreement and often times in friendships you opt to let it go instead of losing your friend along with the sweater. So what happens next time this person asks to borrow something? Maybe you’ll set a new boundary, and now you don’t believe in letting them borrow anything again,. You can respond with “I’ll just tell you where I bought it (so you can get your own)” or “here, just have it”. You are not a library. More often than not, a violation of our boundaries shows us our weakness in setting the expectation of how we wish to be treated. It also shows us the kind of parameters we need to set with specific people.Continue reading “Knowing Your Boundaries”
I was first introduced to Jo from Woke Studio through one of my favorite podcasts, Glow Girl. She first went on the pod to discuss the Akashic records and her work within that space. I’d heard the word Akashic before but I had not taken the time to learn about the details behind it. The Akashic records are a collection of wisdom stored in the ether and have existed since the beginning of time. Jo is able to access your specific records and give insights on past lives and how past karma may affect your current life.
I booked a session with her right away and I was incredibly impressed with the experience. She incorporated numerology alongside the Akashic reading. I learned so much about myself, through numerology she explained my life path and my soul’s purpose. I loved Jo’s attitude on my development, she made everything feel easy and attainable. When I asked her about “blocks” she gave me her perspective on that idea, that blocks are not really a problem because it is all energy and it can easily be cleared or redirected, it’s all about your intention and determination.Continue reading “Intuitive Development”
The world is understanding and there is no point in remaining quiet, seek expression and you will find the community that will grow with you. When there is no existing community, you can create it. You’ve been given the tools, you know what to do with them as long as you do not hesitate and do not second guess yourself. Lean on your intuition. Your guidance comes from within and you are always supported, remembering more than learning. Learning and expansion will come from through the work with others, your minds together feed into the global knowledge. It is through love and togetherness that you will find the answers, healing collectively. Healing starts within yourself and expands out from there.
All experiences that seem painful are lessons, lessons lead to growth; do not fear the lessons. Judgement does not help anyone, the responsibility to judge does not fall on anyone. Judgement is projection from the ego. When you find yourself in thoughts of judgement return to love to find your center. Remember that we are all connected, we are all a part of love and therefor a part of each other.
This year has brought me primarily one thing: the opportunity to do introspection. It’s the reason why I’m slowly working my way through my life, identifying the parts of me that I need to reconcile or do away with completely. Today I heard someone’s summation of people, “there are two kinds of people; those with issues and those who are dead”.
I’m almost at my mid thirties and I think it’s about time to cut the shit. I’ve lived in a victim mentality for a long time and it’s not the way I want to live any longer. Blaming others, living with resentment, pointing fingers, holding on to grudges does not give me anything but a burden to carry. I’m reading the books, I started a meditation practice with TM (transcendental meditation) in June, and I’ve come back to blogging and journaling as my form of expression. I am working at releasing everything I no longer need, a spiritual decluttering if you will.
The shadow self is considered the parts of yourself that have negative traits attached; shame, greed, envy, rage, selfishness, etc. Psychologically, the shadow is defined as the part of yourself that you can’t see. It’s related to projection, when someone ‘projects’ their own insecurities onto someone else it is part of the shadow. Think of it literally, when you shine a flashlight (project) onto an object, you produce a shadow behind it. What sits in the darkness is often what we do not want to see or approach. This is why, if you ever find yourself with a strong dislike for a person for no logical reason, it is likely that the person holds aspects of your own shadow personality. On the other side of this, if you’ve ever encountered a person who accuses you of doing things you very well know they are guilty of (projecting) it’s because that person refuses to see or acknowledge their shadow.
So where do we start? Deepak Chopra taught me a valuable exercise in his book, “The Book of Secrets”. You take a piece of paper, fold in half lengthwise, on one side you think of someone you love and write 10 traits you love about that person. On the other side, you think of someone you strongly dislike and write 10 traits you dislike about them. Now open the paper and look at those 20 traits, accept that you are all of those traits.
Pretty powerful stuff if you do it right.
I did the exercise and I found it to be brazenly accurate. I love people who have passion for the things that interest them and I hate people who easily lie. I know how quickly I fall down rabbit holes of interesting topics and I can lose myself in focus of new ideas but I can appreciate that part of myself in others. On the other side of this, I am not a good liar but I’m also not going to pretend I’ve always been 100% honest. I have been hurt by lies many times and I’ve hurt others with my own dishonesty and so that pain, resentment, and shame are all my in my shadow self.
There are many exercises out there to help you in doing this work. I found that one to be very simple so I share it with whoever will listen. It is all a process, it’s important to acknowledge yourself and be graceful to yourself while you unpack all of this.
Another useful practice I have learned is for processing emotions. Shadow work will pull out many emotions and in order to work through these feelings effectively you much detach yourself from the story. Take this example; you’ve had your heart broken, you are sad and angry and your thoughts start to run away from you, “I will never get over this”, “I will never love another man/woman again”, “I am nothing without them”. Those thoughts are stories you are telling yourself, stop the storytelling. Instead, allow yourself to process the emotion, close your eyes, feel where the emotion is in your body. Is it in your stomach? Are you carrying it on your shoulders? Allow yourself to feel the emotion and let it move through and out of you like a ball of energy passing through your body and out at your feet. Do this as many times as necessary until the emotion no longer produces a physical sensation. Allow your feelings from the situation to process, forgive them and forgive yourself. You are not your thoughts. You are not responsible for anyone’s thoughts, feelings or actions except your own. It is human to have emotions but you don’t have to hold on to them forever.
If any of this resonated for you, I encourage you to dig further. Look up shadow work exercises and find what works best for you. There are many of us on this journey with you, you are never alone. If you’d like one on one guidance, I offer shadow work coaching. Check out my services page for more.
If you’ve read the story of how my dad died, the following will make sense. Otherwise, I recommend you start there first.
Because my father’s accident happened at work, the impending $500,000 worth of hospital bills for his two weeks in the I.C.U. would fall under a workers compensation claim. Although my dad had been a truck driver for over 18 years at the time, he had only been employed with the company he worked for that day for less than 2 weeks. My dad worked in recycling for most of his career as a truck driver, this new job involved hauling scrap steel in short runs. He hadn’t even received his first paycheck when the accident occurred. Although both my parents had always worked, my dad was the primary earner of our household.Continue reading “A Jury’s Duty”
One day while rummaging through things I’d left behind at my mom’s house, I found our FFA scrapbook. I remembered how hard we worked on that thing so we could compete at the regional level. Yes, the FFA had a scrapbook competition. Still no milk tasting contests though.Continue reading “No Future with Farming”
Living in Southridge did not entitle to me attend Fontana school district schools. Instead, this area of Fontana is assigned to the Colton School district even though Colton is 20 minutes east of Fontana and none of that makes any sense. My neighbor Alfredo got a transfer to Kaiser High School because of football. I did not play sports; I do not like balls flying at or near my face. I am absolutely comfortable watching sports instead, as long as there are snacks involved.
My assigned school was Bloomington High School. When I asked Mary about it, she made it sound fine. Bloomington is the neighboring city to the east of Fontana. Bloomington isn’t actually a city, it’s an unincorporated area that was once named Crestmore. One of the first things I noticed about Bloomington in 2001 was that the home plots near the high school did not have sidewalks. People talked about the infamous “number streets” where all the gangsters lived. The “number streets” is a small grid of streets with one story tract homes built in the 1950’s and aren’t supposed to be standing at this date, because they were not made well. They don’t have sidewalks either. The high school was built in 1962 for a student population of 900. In 2006, the school population was 3,000.Continue reading “You go to school in Indiana??”
Between google and social media, it’s pretty easy to fall down a rabbit hole these days. I’ve fallen down rabbit holes since before the internet had reliable search engines, I owned a set of encyclopedia Britannica and in 4th grade I turned in an extra credit report on a topic of my choice, Adolf Hitler. I promise you I was not a fan, but my 3rd grade teacher who told us her story of being a Jewish baby through WW2 . Then, her fellow friend and local teacher from the neighboring elementary school showed us the concentration camp tattoo on her arm; they peaked my interest on the matter.Continue reading “How the Father of LSD kept me off drugs”
Fontana was originally founded as a rural farm town in the early 1900’s. It grew into a steel town, formed by the white people that flocked to work at Kaiser Steel Mill during WW2. The influx of white steel workers brought racist white people too and the KKK had a strong hold in the city for several decades.Continue reading “Welcome to Fontana”